Myth- A Healthy Baby and A Healthy Mom Are All That's Important

I know you've heard it, we've all heard it, "A healthy baby and a healthy mom are all that's important!"

Well I am here to tell you, that's a load of crap! Yep, I said it and I mean it!

Now, I do agree that the safety of a mother and her baby are first and foremost, but to say that a healthy baby and a healthy mom are all that's important is terrible. Did you know that 25-34% of mothers report that the birth of their baby was traumatic. To shade the way a mother feels about her own personal journey is disrespectful, rude, and terribly warped. Is it done intentionally? Most of the time no, not at all. Most of the time it's done by well-meaning loved ones and friends who just want to make mom feel better, they just want to "fix" the situation. However, by saying, "A healthy baby and a healthy mom are all that's important", you are saying her feelings and thoughts about her birth are invalid, null and void. Women don't need to be fixed. They need to be heard, validated, empathize with, and they need time, space, encouragement, and support to heal.

The path a woman takes through pregnancy, labor, and birth are a journey so unique that it can never be duplicated again. Yes, she may have more pregnancies, more labors, and more births, but no two are ever the same, even ones that are very similar. Whether it be her plan to have a homebirth, medicated hospital birth, VBAC, or cesarean, the journey is important and how she feels about her journey is even more important! The end result, baby in arms is not all that it's about, the journey that is taken to get there is of importance too. The way a woman feels about her pregnancy, labor, and birth shape her into who she is, how she feels about herself, and how she will parent her children. The same applies for the father. He knows the safety of his baby and his partner is the most important thing, but tell that to the father whose wife is suffering with postpartum depression or psychosis. Tell that to the father that works all day and comes home to a wife who is weeping in the closet, or full of anxiety about something being wrong with their baby.

First Coast Doulas knows how important the journey is, it's why we do what we do! We support women and their partners in pregnancy, labor, birth, and even into the first year after delivering their babies because we know this is a journey not a race. We know the foundation is being built for their parenting journey and we want them to have the confidence, love, light, and laughter they desire to make the journey a positive one. So, please before the next time you tell a woman or her partner, a healthy baby and a healthy mom are all that's important, stop and think for a moment. It may be awkward, you may draw a blank on what to say that is o.k., sometimes saying nothing and just being there is what they need. Here's a great blog by Sam McCulloch that is along similar lines of this one if you are interested in reading it.